So There I was: An Introduction

So there I was: Spreading vending machine tuna out of a cold can onto a mini-sized vending machine cracker, wondering why the hell my life is what it is. And I couldn’t help but ask myself is this what rock bottom looks like? The office socialite, normally pretty, social, and outgoing, sitting alone in her cube, not wearing any makeup for the first time in public, eating vending machine tuna? If it’s not, it truly can’t be far from it.

When, exactly did my life become hell? Was is a gradual progression, or did it happen suddenly and recently? It’s hard to tell. But the story is, in the very least, highly entertaining. I’m living one of those lives that at times you think surely must be a sit com, but unfortunately for me, I can’t just “change the channel” or watch something else when it becomes a little to much to handle. And lately, my life has been VERY hard to handle.

Let me fill you in on what you’ve missed so you can catch up. We’ll start with the basics:
• I’m female.
• I’m one of the smartest people you will ever meet. Or so I’ve been told.
• I’m in my early twenties.
• I’m very pretty. I’ve dabbled in modeling ever since I was young.
• If I hadn’t have graduated Magna Cum Laude a year and a half early, I would have just graduated and would be job hunting. But I did.
• And so I’ve been a cube rat for a little over a year, editing things for an information technology company. Not being payed nearly enough, and hating every minute (and pretty much every person) of it.
• I can be a real bitch if you cross me.
• I can also be the nicest person in the world.
• I’m bipolar. This was a recent development.
• I’m divorced. Also recent.
• I’m sarcastic and can be dramatic at times. It’s part of my charm.
• I have a cat. She’s my baby. I wouldn’t make it through life without her.
• I have a “boyfriend” (one of several) who is more than twice my age and used to be a professor of mine. I can’t even tell you how many times I fantasized about the man; and now I have him.
• I’m a shopaholic.
• I love to read and to write.
• I’m very motivated and determined.
• Art is one of my true passions.
• The person I love most in this world, my father, is quickly dying from cancer that caused three brain tumors and a tumor in his spine. We found all of this out last week.
• I have an older sister, who is married and expecting a baby in January.
• I have a mom who I love, but she’s very hyper-emotional, and sometimes she’s just too much for me.
• My favorite authors are Sylvia Plath and Virginia Woolf.
• My favorite books are Mania and Girl, Interrupted. If I wouldn’t know any better, I would have thought half of that book were based on my life and my experiences rather than Susanna Kacen’s.
• My current favorite movies are Fight Club and Girl, Interrupted. You may be picking up on a theme here.

That just about sums me up. Those are all of the “important” facts, anyway. But even more important than those are all of the events that lead to where I am right now. So, read on. Each event is a separate entry, starting with the earliest and working up to the most recent. Some are entries from my private journal, others are from the vivid images and memories that I can’t get out of my mind. Hopefully they are all worth reading. I’ll let you be the judge of that.